Category: Personal

Not quite a start I expected, but came down with a cold, gets worst than that though..

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Its not deliberate… honest, just things have taken a change for the worst or better.

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I wrote this ahead of time, so it may well be about 7 days out of date and anything can change. So you are hopefully reading this on the 31st December 2024, that means…

Happy New Year

I hope!

So I’ll do this review thing, what happened?

 

• Got promoted to CO4 from CO3 in July 2024, that was a really unexpected thing to happen. I failed my first CO4 interview but I was suffering at the time and so I was expecting it.
• Learnt another trade at work. I was previously in Timings, I’m now in Train Crew and one of the things I’ve made a habit of doing now, is asking train crew for their diagrams and get feedback on how its gone, I’ve learnt a lot and so have they.
• Actually volunteered for several events at work. Worked at Ascot, Portsmouth AND Twickenham. More than I did last year.
• I don’t like talking about money, but that has got a lot better as the year has gone by.
• Seen more of the UK, done the Far North Line (Inverness to Wick/Thurso) on a really warm March day! That was a big thing as its the furthest north I’ve been. Previously, it was Dingwall. Also been to the Isle Of Man for the second or third time in my life.
• Finn and Bailey have now formed a very strong bond to me, these are 2 dogs, both setters that I haven’t talked much about but will do one day. Finn is particularly interesting as he is a rare breed.
• Joined a gym!
• Finally and this is a thing for me, been on a century old tram. Why is it big? Well, the only place you can find them next to the newer trams is Blackpool and every time I go to Blackpool, I miss them. I also did the Blackpool North tram extension not long after it opened by mistake.

The bad bits though and thus missed the mark.

• Still single which is really dragging me down
• I’ve done one unexpected thing this year and I’m not proud of it, its to do with my personal life and very few know about it (I want to keep it that way).
• I’m still living in my dads place – I live with my dad that I’ve probably never mentioned and sometimes, it gets very heated with how things go in the house. He has a physical disability but still can do things, but I feel I do a lot more than I should and it drains me.
• I’ve not done as much Trainz work as I like.

 

Now you may of noticed a theme, I didn’t mention the blog, which is the start. The reason I didn’t is because the first 3 bad points is the reason I started it, my mental health has been quite frankly appalling this year for stress reasons and for once, its not my job. Interestingly, I go to the office, I want to go in every day despite my dad telling me to work at home. I’ll even work as long as I can or need to on something and if I am knee deep in deadlines, I will basically work until something gives in, like I got pretty dry one day and started coughing as I was focused on my deadline. My fault entirely. Then my eyes started stinging so had to take a break. These are things I am bad at. I also bottle up a lot of problems, with the problem on the train, it  had been going on for 6 months and if I am honest, its a 2 way thing. I got an interest in this individual, I’ll be open about it but what worries me is the answer of “no”. Like a lot of things, I had someone at work about halfway through the year, I knew her name anyway but I wanted to keep it quiet, however I wanted to point out something about ASD, she may of dropped loads of hints of interest I am guessing, but I was cautious because I was worried that my interpretation of “interest” is different to theirs. It’s not their fault, its a compatibility problem between the genders that we can all learn from.

Likewise, someone I travel with occasionally, yes, I have an interest, but as soon as I saw a ring on her finger, I didn’t bother, I also struggled to talk to her to begin with. However, more recently, I discovered more about her and was surprised that the ring wasn’t on her finger and interestingly, talked quickly about university and our immediate family, which I had to go away and think “Oh wait, what? I missed a trick there!”.

 

This is where I wonder that in the office, am I really alone with single life? I was under the impression most (I’d say 95% of them) are married at least and with happy families – if I was really honest, I actually felt pretty much alone. Likewise with my ASD difficulties, I honestly thought they were not many on the spectrum in the office and more normal. I only recognised one and that was it. The interesting thing is, I am discovering I am not the only one, although I feel alone with my journey through life and my difficulties, I’m discovering I’m working with others who have the same problem and the discussions in the pub outside of work is proving it.

 

So, 2025, I already know of some big changes,  the company I work for is going from private to government ownership and the phrase that is being used is “Lift and Shift”, now goals I have:

• Lose weight
• Apply and become a CO5
• Actually be a bit more confident with women in particular, at the moment, I have no confidence in myself in approaching women or even talk to them, maybe make friends with them rather than look at them as potential dates? Which may lead to dates? Maybe I should start with the person on the train and just somehow get talking to her?
• I also got a lot of cleaning up to do at home and I’m selling a lot of stuff that basically has no use for me, despite my large computer collection.

The last one has been a challenge, I started this year but I’m trying to go further and further. One of the biggest things I’ve done is basically digitalise everything and whatever loose papers I have, shred them, its saved a lot of shelf space and its something I want to keep going with. Perhaps digitalise my books now I got a Kindle.

Oh and here is some hopefully interesting photos of 2024:

Its coming up to Christmas as my older and myself have an affectionate view on a building that sadly was long demolished. It also comes up in my work environment..

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